Tattoos

I am about to go get my second and third tattoos...I am pretty excited. I am getting a rising sun on my upper mid back and a spattering of stars across my right foot for sure, and maybe my left. I haven't decided yet. I would post the name of the place, but I am not sure if that is spamming or not, so I will behave. _________________________________________________________________________i closed my eyes for just a moment and i saw your face above mine. i smelled vanilla and the thought of all your pasts made me want to retch. i wanted to scream and kick and cry at the injustice of your love for others and i wondered, why am i not good enough? i smile and smell nice and i never raped you. i touched your soul so gingerly and prayed to the heavens and buddha for you to come around in time, but that train left the station, headed the other direction. i pulled out of your driveway and drove off down the street and hopefully, maybe, on with my life. but then i agreed with myself to see you again and i think, why, why, why? why do i sacrifice flowers for ashes and why do i accept less than perfection when i deserve nothing less? the phone rang, then, and i had to open my eyes. i busied myself with other things but still your memory crept in. i think of hardwood floors, adventuring and all the things that might have been and i ask myself, why do i have to put you in the same basket as the others? why weren't you different? why do you refuse to let me in? am i referring to you sea farer, or you street farer? which of you is my mind really playing over and over again? whoever you are, wherever i go, i will certainly always hold home baked goods in my heart because of my memories with you. there, you, that. my eyes fluttered shut for a moment and once again, your grinning face was displayed on the silver screen of my mind. damn you, damn what you represent. i want to wear black in mourning for your lost affection, for your roving eyes, for everyone else's fucking superiority. i try not to get mad, but you wasted my time and you know how much that appalls me. it was wasted time, just like a supernova. all that flame, all that beauty, all the rampant creation running loose and free in the black wilderness, WASTED because i was not what you wanted. in one thousand years, they will not even remember you or me or the supernova of june because the beauty of a single rosewater raindrop caught in the camera's lens will capture their attention instead. i hope you find contentment, my friend, my distraction, and i wish you all the best. all the best that a simple mixed drink that makes you vomit in the rain has to offer. hopefully soon, i will have the courage to set myself free from your casual causality and your trickery and your inability to get it up when i want it and your oh-so-subtle attempts at sabotage.